We grieve by remembering, not forgetting

A photo of the candle tributes at the Memorial Service 2012As the Christian year moves to its conclusion, we mark the festivals of All Saints and All Souls and start to turn our gaze heavenward.

It’s always struck me as entirely appropriate, therefore, that the signing of the armistice on the 11th of November 1918 happens to fall in this season of the year when our spiritual focus is on what lies beyond this world we know.

For soldiers who fell and for the friends who did not, the chance to remember in the context of a focus on heaven means we again are compelled to remember that this world is deeply broken, and that war is simply one symptom of a more fundamental human malaise. But it also means we look forward with hope. The notion of Heaven is to us who believe a chance to say that what we see is not all there is to know, and a brighter day will dawn.

For those who have served, that is a message that applies to our current world too. When you face hell on earth in war, it’s important to know that you’re fighting for something good and true and better than what you are knowing in that present moment. Otherwise, what’s the point?

But this season of the year, for a Christian, is not just about the 11th of November and Remembrance Sunday; important and vital to our nation as those acts of remembering may be.

Because of that heavenly focus in what some people call “Kingdom Season”, it also tends to be the time each year in which Annual Memorial services are held and those who have suffered grief or loss of any kind are given space and time to remember.

Those who live with grief know that it’s not a case of trying to ‘get over’ or ‘forget’ the pain of loss. Time is no healer either. When someone dies, you can’t deal with grief in a healthy way by forgetting. Paradoxically, we get through our grief by remembering.

It’s for exactly those reasons that it is such a privilege to be involved in the annual hosting of two special services at this time of year.

In Loving Memory offers a particular opportunity for parents who have suffered a miscarriage, still-birth or lost a child early in life. The service is relatively short and relatively quiet compared to some. But what it offers is an incredible, valuable, hallowed space for men and women to take the top off their feelings and give them over prayerfully to God.

Meanwhile, the Annual Memorial Service has a wider focus. For families who have recently suffered a bereavement of any kind – whether husband or wife, mother, father, son, daughter, grandparent, cousin, friend – we come together as one to read their names and light candles in their memory.

It sounds simple but in such acts of remembering, space is given to grief and mourning, the love we hold for those people is cherished once more, and with hope we turn our focus to a day when we may well see them once again.

Rev David Green

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